When I'm Gone
by ScarletRubie
Summary: Perfection isn't always as it seems,sometimes perfection is too much & it can ruin an entire world without the inhabitants realizing it.The sick perfection has come to Wanda's attention,with tragedy,love & confusion Wanda must find her way back Ian.
1. Chapter I

**Author-**ScarletRubie

**Genre-** Romance/Angst/Adventure

**Tag Line-** One night can change everything.

**Summary-** On one terrible night Ian is taken away. He is believed to be dead. Wanda has discovered that the word she lives in isn't as it seems. Just when Wanda is getting through it all she finds _him_ again. He isn't the same, his body remains but a soul has taken up his body as a host. The soul has a purpose one that Wanda isn't too sure of. The soul is not alone, he travels with another. Wanda wants Ian back, her Ian. The soul refuses to leave. What does Wanda have to do to save Ian from being erased forever? Can she or will Ian be lost...._again_? Is the world she grew to hate giving her a second chance or is it testing her limits and her priorities.

**Disclaimer- I do not own The Host or its characters.**

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_Now I can't wait to see your smile,  
When I wake up each day,  
It makes it worth while  
With the kinda love you plant inside,  
Specially with a heart so empty as mine.  
All your soft tenderness is the one thing that I don't wanna miss._

_I pray,  
When it's time for me to say goodbye  
I'll never forget looking in your eyes,  
I pray,  
That I feel your touch  
And that God doesn't forget our love,  
I pray,  
When I close my eyes,  
I can still see visions of you on my mind.  
I pray,  
That I see you in another life,  
I pray that you still by my side.  
Oh I pray._

_Everything that you give to me,  
Only comes in a fantasy,  
It seems like life goes by so fast,  
But in this time I wanna make it last. (I pray)  
I hate that we live to die,  
__**~I Pray, Amanda Perez**_

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**Chapter I**

**WPOV (Wanda)**

It was a horrible. The day was close to unbearable to remember. My heart throbs and my eyes burn with hot tears. The pain seems endless. I sat in what used to be _our_ room. It had Ian written all over it. I brought my knees to my chest and let myself fall apart for the thousandth time.

"Wanda, come on you have to come out of there." I didn't even bother trying to figure out who it was I merely tuned it out.

Ian. I don't understand, after how long it took me to find him that in one instant he was gone. I would never feel his warmth around me. I would never feel his lips on mine. He was gone and he was never coming back. I missed his presence his voice. With heart wrenching pain, I looked back to the last minutes of my time with him.

_My eyes shifted to the rear view mirror and I saw the red blue lights, the ones that only meant one thing. My heart was sent into turmoil. There could only be a seeker behind the wheel of that vehicle. I had no plan. Would I be able to outrun them or should I pull over? Maybe it would turn out like the last time I got caught with Jared. Maybe the seeker wouldn't notice._

_I turned to Ian, who was beside me, he wore a worried look, and it made me anxious. "Promise me something." He said in a husky voice. His fear matched my own._

"_What?"_

"_Don't ever forget me."_

_My eyes watered against my will. "What are you talking about?" I stammered._

"_There's a big chance I won't be back. But you need to go no matter what, they need the food and you can't get caught. You have to pull over, there is no chance we're going to outrun them."_

_Tears started to stream down my face. "No Ian."_

"_I love you so much."_

"_We can keep going we have a chance." I offered._

"_They have no food Wanda, and it will only make us more of suspects, if we don't pull over they'll follow us and then we risk everyone. I'm going to get caught I can feel it. If anything happens……I asked for a ride on the side of the road and you didn't check, you didn't know I was human. That's the story and stick to it."_

"_Ian, no, you can't just give up." My voice cracked._

"_I'm not giving up on anything, I'm thinking realistically. Pull over." He tried to steady his voice but he was just as scared as I was. I slowed down and shifted to the side of the road. _

"_I love you so much." He took my face in his hands and kissed me one last time. Minutes later the seeker stepped out of the car and approached my window._

_I cleaned the tears away and rolled down the window._

I couldn't think of it anymore it was too painful. It felt like I hadn't stopped crying for countless weeks, I probably hadn't. Everyone tried to make me feel better but there was no use, I stopped listening I stopped functioning. I survived without him all my life but I don't remember how and I'm afraid I never will.

I felt a cool wind. Mel pushed the curtain aside and walked in. "Wanda, it's been almost a month." I didn't speak. "I know he meant the world to you but I'm sure he wouldn't want to see you this way. I don't know what it feels like but –"

"You're right you don't know, you don't know what it feels like when a part of your soul is taken, you don't Mel and don't try to figure it out." I snapped. I was tired of people's attempt to make me feel better. But guilt hit me quickly. I sighed. "Sorry Mel, I just…..I don't know what to do with myself. I can't find my way and I'm so scared that I never will. Mel it hurts so much and it feels like the pain is endless."

She looked at me with a compassionate stare. "I know it hurts and I know the pain seems endless but you have to get up and try to live, live for him."

A knot formed in my throat. "How can I?"

"I hate to break it to you but you're not the only one. Kyle was his brother it hurts him too. Sure he has Sunny but it doesn't take the pain away. Wanda you have to tell us what happened we don't even know half of what happened. You won't tell us, this is the most you've spoken in weeks." It was imaginable. I hadn't said much of anything. The one thing I said when I arrived was 'He's gone.' Those are the words that have haunted me and have been repeated in my head thousands of times.

At first I held on to the hope that they had put a soul into him and he would come back to me but it's been almost 6 weeks. If he were coming back we would've already done so. I know him, I know he'd come back I know he'd fight but that hope soon slipped away. I had to accept the fact that he was gone, truly gone though a small part of me still wanted to believe the impossible.

"Wanda we're worried we need to know. What happened? He's…dead but you've refused to give us details." I could see the compassion in her eyes. I wanted to tell her, I wanted Kyle to know what happened to his brother but just thinking about it made me go into a state where I couldn't even think. How was I possibly going to be able to tell Kyle and everyone else?

"If you tell us then we can understand. We can help you." Mel was persistent she had persistent for the past few weeks but I wouldn't budge. Maybe the reason behind why I couldn't tell anyone was because I felt responsible. I felt that I could've done something to avoid it. If I hadn't……I know there was a way I could've evaded the situation.

"I can't." I finally said almost inaudibly.

"You can."

"I feel at fault." I confessed.

She scoffed. "Wanderer the only way you'd be responsible would be if you took a gun and shot him." I winced at her words she was very close to the truth. "We both know that's not what happened. Just say it, no one will blame you for anything you didn't do."

I sighed. "Go get Kyle, Jeb, Jamie, and Jared." She was right I had to tell everyone. I just hope I could get through it. Mel got up from beside me she shortly returned with everyone I asked for. Naturally Sunny was attached to Kyle's side. The six of them settled around me.

"I'm sorry, so sorry. My apologies are for everyone but to Kyle in particular. Kyle, I should've told you long ago but I just couldn't." I began. I couldn't even look at them. I looked down at the gray floor in shame. I remained sitting on the ground.

"Tell me now." Kyle said, I couldn't tell if he was angry or not. He seemed frustrated.

Tears started to well up against my will. I took a deep breath. "On the way back from the raid we we're driving, and it was late at night. I'm not sure if I was going fast or not but a seeker stopped us. Ian" my voice cracked at his name. I tried to gather myself. "Ian urged me to pull over or we would run the risk of being followed back. He said to tell the seeker that I didn't know him and that I saw him on the road and I was giving him a ride, only if he asked. When I stopped he did ask and I told him. He was suspicious of me from the beginning, he knew something wasn't right. Then the seeker told us that someone had spotted us and that they suspected that Ian was human. He asked Ian to get out of the car and he reluctantly did a he was told. The seeker took a flashlight out of his belt a flashed it in his eyes. Then was when he confirmed than Ian was not a soul. He questioned me and asked if I knew him. Ian answered for me he said no that he'd just taken advantage of my generosity. The seeker turned to me for reassurance and I didn't want to confirm his lie but I did. I told him that I didn't know who he was and I pretended to be shocked at the fact that he was human." I felt my body shake with a sudden tremor.

"It's okay." Jamie assured me.

"At that point the seeker tried to get a hold of him but Ian resisted he fought back. It happened so fast." I was speaking as I was trying to catch my breath. "Ian hit the seeker hard enough to make him fall to the ground. Then another seeker appeared, I hadn't seen him, he was sitting in the car the whole time. He stepped out and as Ian tried to run off he…..shot him." I was now sobbing without cease. I had never seen a seeker with a weapon like that. I had no idea they still existed, I had heard of them but I believed them all to be destroyed. I didn't want to believe that our believed to be perfect world isn't perfect at all. We don't use violence, we don't use weapons or at least that's what we're meant to believe. But it was all a lie. They weren't perfect, if they used that kind of action towards Ian then its most likely not the first nor the last time they will use it. They aren't what they claim to be, they're worse than the humans.

I remember wanting to go to him so bad. Seeing him on the ground that way tore me apart. I tried to control my breathing so I could continue to talk. "The seeker on the ground got to his feet and went over to Ian while the other came over to me. He asked me where I was going and I told him I was going to go visit my friend in New Mexico. He told me to very careful, he believed the lie I told him, he said to go to New Mexico making no stops on the way and no picking up people. The other seemed more reluctant to let me go but in the end they agreed to let me go. That was the last time I saw him." I wrapped my hands around me as if to hold me together and I cried harder than I had since the first day.

Everyone was silent around me. I couldn't get the picture of his lifeless body out of my head. I fought so hard to forget it.

I managed to look up at Kyle who was motionless. Sunny was at his side holding his hand. Abruptly he got up and with Sunny at his side he walked out. His face had no emotion and that made me feel worse.

I asked to be alone and everyone exited.. I thought that you were supposed to feel better when you reveal something that you've been hiding but that feeling wasn't coming.

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The minutes and hours turned into days. I sat almost in the same spot for days at a time, I didn't leave the room not even to eat. Nothing mattered to me. On the fourth day of my absence someone showed up. Someone I wasn't quite expecting. Sunny, came to my room, alone. It was odd seeing her without Kyle. They were a package deal and everyone had gotten used to that.

"Hey, Wanda, how are you?" She asked in a silky sweet voice.

"The same, I'm miserable. I'm wallowing in my sorrow, nothing's really changed."

"I'm really sorry. Everyone sympathizes for you but now that they know how hard it is for you they prefer to leave you alone as you wish. Don't think we blame you, no one does. Not even Kyle. It's difficult for him. He says he's finally lost it all he feels alone and he feels different having lost everything from his past life. He lost his home, his family, his parents, Jodi and Ian was the last thing he had left of the life he once knew." She was right of course she was. Ian and Kyle had each other as the last reminder of the life they used to have. I understood Kyle's reasoning. But his coldness never failed to hurt me. "He's not mad, he's upset but not at you. He was dumbfounded by what happened he just needed some time to figure it out. He understands how hard it is for you. He gets that it was hard to see him die. He doesn't hold anything against you. He appreciates you for making the right choice. He knows that deciding was difficult, we all know."

I scoffed. "I hardly made the right choice."

She shook her head. "You did what was right. You did what Ian wanted you to do. You could've led them here, you could've admitted to knowing Ian. You could've left us all to starve to death. You did the right thing. Don't doubt that."

"But he's gone and I'm alone, I'm so alone." I whispered. I felt like I would never rise up from the ditch I was in. The walls around me only seemed to grow taller.

She looked down. She didn't know what to say to that and I shouldn't have thrown something like that at her but that's exactly what I felt. I needed to vent. "I really can't say anything to make this better for you and I won't try. But I will say this. We're here for you whenever you need us we're here. Melanie, Jamie, Jared, Jeb, Kyle and I are here to help you trough this. Not to forget but to heal."

To heal. That's what I needed, I needed to heal my soul, my heart. In time I learned how. Not to forget Ian because I never would forget him but to heal from the stab in my heart. Now it's just a scar, a scar that will forever remind me that maybe when you try to get perfection you ruin the very essence of life. The seekers didn't live as we were intended, they broke the rules, their own rules. To use violence that way is unacceptable but no one will ever know. Everyone on the outside world will continue to live their so called perfect lives and I will continue on my journey in this world knowing the truth. In the heart that I never believed to have, will be Ian my one and only true love, the one that taught me truth and honesty and most importantly he taught me to love and for that he will remain in my heart and soul for the rest of time.

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**Glad you read and please Review.**

**~Toodles.**


	2. Chapter II

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_There's a lot that I don't know  
There's a lot that I'm still learning  
But I think I'm letting go  
Find my body  
It's still burning_

_And you hold me down  
And you got me living in the past  
Come on and pick me up  
Somebody clear the wreckage from the blast_

_I'm alive  
And I don't need a witness  
To know that I survived  
I'm not looking for forgiveness  
Yeah, I just need light  
I need light in the dark  
As I search for the resolution_

_And the bars are finally closed  
So I try living in the moment  
Till the moment it just froze  
And I felt sick and so alone_

_I can hear the sound  
Of your voice still ringing in my ear  
I'm going underground  
But you'll find me anywhere, I fear  
__**~The Resolution, Jack's Mannequin**_

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**Chapter II**

**WPOV (Wanda)**

It had been about two months since Ian's death. I was making pretty big progress. Everyone remained pretty cautious around me fearing I would break down. Sunny had taken over the raids, she had no choice. I had become too afraid but I would eventually get back out there.

"Hey Wanda." Jared greeted me.

I forced a smile. "Hey." I didn't mean for it but it sounded monotone but it did.

"It'll get easier." He promised.

I took a deep breath. "I hope so. So what's my job today?"

He shrugged. "Not sure, probably kitchen with Mel." Ironically at the mention of her name she walked in and joined Jared at his side. They embraced each other.

I awkwardly turned around to find something to do. But I found myself fumbling for nothing in particular. It was obvious that I was uncomfortable. It was nothing against them but I hadn't gotten completely comfortable with people embracing each other. It seemed selfish but my wound hadn't completely closed. Deep inside it was…..jealousy.

"Wanda, I'm sorry. We're sorry." Mel apologized.

"For what?" I lied. I just didn't want to be the one whose sorrow is contagious.

"You can play that game if you want but remember I've been in your head and I know exactly how you think. I am sorry, I wasn't thinking." She insisted.

"It's okay." I went over to the table to grab the poultry that was being cooked for lunch today. "Want to make it up to me?" I asked.

"Sure."

"You cook this?" I gestured over to the poultry.

"Yay, I get to do the dirty work." She cheered with fake joy.

The weeks went by and I found that like Jared said it was getting easier. But something bothered me in the back of my mind. What if I had been able to keep a part of him? I could be crazy or I could be a widow. Yes I could be a widow I never married him though it felt that way. All we had to do was make it official. I actually didn't see the need to make it official if you both knew than that was that. I honestly would've liked to keep a part of him. A baby. A baby that was his and mine.

"Wanda?" The mention of my name snapped me back into reality. Jamie had been trying to get my attention.

"Yes."

"Have you seen Sunny? We need her to go out, we're running low. Jeb sent me on the mission of finding her."

It had been a long time since I'd been out on a raid. Three months actually. Maybe it was time I could get back out there. "I'll go." I offered.

"Are you sure? I mean Sunny has been doing it for a couple months I think she can manage." He was trying to talk me out of it. For some odd reason it only made me want to go even more.

"Jamie I can go. I'll be fine." I insisted. Jared appeared around the corner and came down the hall to join us.

"What's up?" he asked.

"She wants to go." Jamie told him.

Jared seemed confused. "Go where?"

"I want to go on the raid." I said. He immediately gave me _that_ look. It said are you crazy. By now I wouldn't doubt that I was a little crazy but I was sane enough for a raid.

"No." He replied.

"Jared I can take care of myself. Would I really get caught? If makes you feel better I'll go to a far out town so they don't follow me back." I tried to convince him but he wasn't budging.

"I'm coming then."

"No!" I nearly screamed. "No please." I attempted to recover from a slight panic attack. "I can go alone. Make you a deal, I'll go with Sunny." I offered.

His brow arched. "Wanda, why don't you want me to go?"

"No reason." I lied and he knew I was lying.

"Are you scared?" he asked, the interrogation was over he was concerned now.

"I'm not scared but I need to go slow. If I make a mistake and I'm with Sunny then nothing will happen."

Comprehension fell over him. He now knew the true reason I didn't want him to go. "Jamie, go get Sunny." Jared told Jamie.

"If it was that easy she'd already be here. I can't find her." Jamie knew he was trying to get rid of him.

"Try harder, kid. There are only so many places she can be." Jamie hesitantly resumed his search for Sunny.

Jared turned to me. "You didn't do anything wrong, it wasn't your fault."

I forced a smile. I had gotten good at lying, maybe not good but better. "I know but I'll feel more comfortable if it's just her."

He saw that I wasn't budging and he was right I wanted to go back to normal as normal as possible. "Fine not too far though. Ask Kyle how to get to Nogales it's the safest, nearest town."

"Why Kyle?" I asked

"I haven't been there in a while, it's _his_ home town."

"Okay, and thanks for trusting me. I can fend for myself trust me."

"It doesn't matter if I trust you, do you trust yourself? That's all that matters." He replied. People's words seemed to have a lot of meaning these days. I don't know whether they meant it or not but it impacted me. I just wish that I could just really get over this. I wish moving on wasn't so hard and painful.

I can't though. I've accepted that he's gone, there's no doubt about it. I still miss him and I try so hard to get past it but I'm starting to feel like this isn't something I can get past. I've never felt this way before. I've never lost anything. Even though I try to push the bit of hope out of my head it tends to stay with me. A part of me still hopes that he's alive but I know better than anyone that they wouldn't put a soul into him, it's not practical.

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After some more convincing and reassurance everyone accepted the fact that I need to get back out there. Kyle gave Sunny and I detailed directions. They've been accurate so far we were very near to the Mexico border. Not really a border since people may come back and forth as they wish but the political division remains.

"So why'd you want to come?" Sunny asked.

I sighed. "I needed to know that there was life out here, I've been in there for months. I wanted to clear my head and become useful again."

Our surrounding quickly caught her attention. "Oh wow I've never been here. It's a nice town." She drove into Nogales, Arizona. It was a small homey town. It was extremely mellow and people wouldn't make too much fuss about someone new in town.

"It is." I agreed. "I get a certain vibe but I don't know why, it just seems like there's something here for me."

"Really?"

"Yeah it's odd but I feel it. It's not like déjà vu I just feel like I'm here for a certain reason." It was very odd but it intrigued me. My life here has been full of surprises I wouldn't doubt one was coming my way now.

"Come on let's go in this store we should get this done quick, I miss Kyle."

"Really?" I asked. "So you really like him?"

She smiled. "I don't only like him, I love him. I just….forget it."

"No say it." I encouraged.

"I feel like I love him but he doesn't feel the same way."

"Why do you say that? He seems like he really cares about you." I wasn't trying to make her feel better I did think that.

She sighed. "I guess, but I'm sure he just keeps me around for the hope that one day I might find Jodi. He loves the body not me." She said with sadness in her voice. We continued walking towards the store entrance.

"You can't know that he doesn't love _you_."

"I can't know that he does." She said with a shrug. "But I'm happy to be here at his side even if it's not me he wants." The door jingled at our entrance.

At the counter a blonde hair, blue eyed, girl greeted us. "Hello, you two. I haven't see ya'll around town, are you folks new?" She had a country kind of accent.

"Just passing by." Sunny clarified.

"We'll take anything you need if ya'll need any help don't hesitate on asking." She was a sweet girl, very bubbly.

We took a cart and sunny began to check items off the list. I lazily walked behind her through the aisles. I looked down every aisle as we passed by. "Hey can you get this." Sunny pointed at an item on the list. I nodded.

I had seen what she wanted me to get, we'd passed it. I walked a few aisles and as I looked down the canned food aisle I saw something that confirmed my insanity. I took a double take but he was gone. I could've sworn it was….I…..no I wasn't going to say it. I'm imagining it……but I saw it. Am I really that crazy to be imagining _him_? Had I really seen him, it was highly unlikely what would he be doing here? I was crazy and I wasn't going to go after him no matter how much I thought I was right. It's not possible he's….dead and that's not going to change. I took what Sunny asked for and quickly rejoined her. I had to forget my hallucination. It couldn't be real, there was no way.

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**Thanks for the read, review, por favor.**

**~Toodles.**


	3. Chapter III

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_Thought I couldn't live without you  
It's gonna hurt when it heals too  
It'll all get better in time  
And even though I really love you  
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to  
It'll all get better in time_

_I couldn't turn on the TV  
Without something there to remind me  
Was it all that easy  
To just put aside your feelings_

_If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh  
Hurt my feelings but that's the path  
I believe in  
And I know that time will heal it  
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything  
Quickly I'm learning to love again  
All I know is I'm gonna be okay  
__**~Better in Time, Leona Lewis**_

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**Chapter III**

**WPOV (Wanda)**

We finished gathering what we needed and the remaining time I fought myself. I wanted to confirm what I had seen but at the same time I couldn't do that to myself. Had I come so far to fall apart at the sight of him?

"Wanda is something wrong?" Sunny asked. She had noticed my distracted state.

I looked away. "No, I'm fine."

"I forgot the water." She bit her lip.

"I'll get it." I offered. "I need to go the restroom anyway, I'll meet you in the car." We split. She went to check out and I went to the back of the store where I assumed the bathrooms were. I began to get the feeling I was being watched I looked around me and there was nothing.

I walked into a hall that led into the bathrooms. After a couple of steps I was literally swept off my feet. A heavy hand covered my mouth and an arm held me close to a heated body. My back was pressed against someone's chest. Fighting was quite useless for me. I was small and I would only get myself hurt. I was so scared. My breathing picked up as I put up the useless effort to free myself.

"Wait, calm down." He huffed, I felt his breathe on my neck. The voice was way too familiar.

"No, no, no, no, no." My voice muffled by his hand.

"He wants you to shut up." My heart stopped. "Fine, be quiet." He was talking in 3rd person. I ceased my struggle at once. I stayed there in his grasp and felt a black cloak fall over me.

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"Hey, wake up…..Wanda, wake up" A voice was making me come to. But I refused to open my eyes. "What else do you expect me to do?" He said under his breathe. This was insane it couldn't be him. I'm really losing it.

I felt him get up from beside me. I opened my eyes but I didn't look at him. I struggled to get up, but I did. At the sound of my awakening his attention was on me. I had yet to turn to see him. I turned my back to him. He came up behind me.

"Are you okay? You had me worried for a second." I knew whose words they were. "Wanda, look at me."

"No." My eyes became watery and my voice shaky. "I can't, no."

"Please, I'm – he's really sorry I….Wanderer, please. I couldn't." His voice became shaky. It was Ian he was talking. I was no longer in shock or in denial. I was mad. He'd been here and he'd let me go on for almost 5 months thinking he was gone.

He placed his hands on my shoulders. There could still be a chance it's not him……..who am I kidding, I have the best luck, it is him.

I wiped my tears away and walked out of the small room we were in to the hall that led back into the store. I went through the store and out to the car where Sunny was waiting impatiently. "Wanda, where've you been?" I didn't even get the water.

"Can we go?"

"What's going on?" She asked with concern.

I shook my head. "Nothing. Plea –"

"Please!" Of course he'd actually followed me.

"Wanda….." Sunny's voice was shaky. She looked behind me. "Do you see him? I'm not crazy am I?"

"You'd be as crazy as I am." I muttered. He came to stand before me, forcing me to lay eyes on him. He looked beautiful. His dark hair cropped short, his skin the same color only now it was flawless. His eyes were no longer the piercing green they were now a silvery grey like my own. He studied my face like I did his.

He stopped before me. "You're really pretty just as I remember. I can see why he misses you." A smile was threatening to reveal itself.

I turned away from his gaze. "Why didn't you come back?" I murmured.

He dropped his hands. "I –"

"Oh hey, I've been looking for you everywhere." A female voice chimed. She was a brunette with striking features. Her eyes almond shaped were a perfect attribute to her heart shaped face. Her hair framed her face with curled locks of hair.

She joined him at his side. She reached up to kiss him dead on the lips. My mouth dropped. I walked around them and to the car door. I had to get out of there. "Can we go?" I asked Sunny.

"Uh….um…Okay." She took out the keys and hesitantly got in the car. I did the same but he caught the door as I was about to close it.

"Let me talk to you." He insisted.

"Who am I even talking to?" It was rhetorical question but I asked anyway.

"Me. I'm standing right here but…Ian just about died when we saw you." His name pierced a wound in my heart.

"Who kissed her?"

"_Me_." Well that was a direct answer.

"Is that why you couldn't come back?" I asked. "Ian, you let me go all that time thinking you were dead, thinking I was to blame. I tortured myself for so long and you were here the whole time with someone else." I hissed low enough so his companion wouldn't hear.

"This is me, it was _me_." He paused. "Just talk to him, to me, just don't go. He really cares about you and wants to clear thing up." It was hard not to believe him. His eyes were desperate. Ian was there I could see it. It was a total overreaction. I could hardly help it.

"Hey can I catch up with you in a bit?" He told the girl.

"Sure, you know her?" she asked.

"I don't but….he does."

She smiled. "Well…have fun." She walked off leaving us alone with Sunny.

"Who is she?" I asked.

"My…girlfriend I guess, my wife, my partner, you get the idea."

"Great."

"She is _mine_, not his." He clarified.

"I'm going to go get the water." Sunny said, feeling the tension.

"Are you going to talk to me?" He asked.

"I don't want to talk to you." I said bluntly "I want to talk to Ian."

"Well he's here alright. And he was hell bent on finding you."

"Why didn't he?" I challenged.

"Because I didn't want to die in the middle of the desert, I'm quite fine here. He chose this place for Trina and me."

"He did?"

"He insisted on the south, he was driving to me to the point of madness. He wouldn't shut up and he has yet to." He said with annoyance. "Home town or something, Trina didn't care so we came."

"You already knew her?"

He nodded. "We've traveled together for a long time. We've only lived in two places but we change hosts often. We both dominate them well. I'm the best."

"That's why you were given Ian." I realized.

He shrugged. "I'm sure you're right. A seeker requested us, he requested me but Trina came along. He said he had a challenge for me. One I couldn't resist."

"He hired you to dominate him."

"To erase him." He clarified.

"I don't understand, I thought…."

"He was dead." He finished for me. "He was very close to it. But one of the seekers saved him, to humor himself. He found him interesting and wanted to know if he was alone if he lived among more humans. He wanted to snoop. So he was saved and given to me. I still have the scar, if you want proof."

"I know its Ian." Then it hit me. If he knows about me he must know we lied to the seeker. He must know much of everything. "You told him?" I choked out.

"No."

"So you don't know?"

"Oh I know. But I choose to keep it between Trina and me. I said I was good I know about everything. His memory has become my own, for the most part."

"Why did you keep it to yourself?"

"I must admit my first intention was to tell the seeker and find everyone. Trina convinced me otherwise. After a while you flooded my memory. I was confused at first because I believed you to be two different girls when in fact you were one soul. The story was unimaginable. A human boy falling in love with a soul, at first, I wanted to find you but he didn't let me, then I found out it's in the desert, I know what it looks like but not how to get there." He explained. Of course Ian would never reveal the secret to our whereabouts. "Trina didn't want me to say a word so I didn't."

"Thank you." I said.

"He wants to know about his brother." It was odd talking to Ian but not really talking to Ian. At this moment I felt for Jared. I felt the frustration of having him there and not really there all at the same time. It killed me that he was trapped. "Kyle?"

"Kyle. He's okay he misses you…him. We've been alright." They had been alright but I hadn't.

"And you?"

"Okay."

He eyed me. "You're lying…so he says."

"Is he really there?" I asked. The small part of me that hoped he was alive was not surprised by having him before me.

"You think I'd lie?" His brow arched not in an Ian kind of way.

"I don't know." I admitted. "I don't know you."

"You know Ian and he wouldn't lie to you. He's there I promise he is, he makes himself known. He wants me to tell you he loves you." He rolled his eyes.

I smiled. "I love you too Ian." I made a step for him, I couldn't help but try to embrace him. He staggered back.

"I'm not allowed to touch you." He informed me. That was so Ian, he was there alright but my main concern was how was this going to work out.

"What is your name?" I asked realizing I did not know it.

He shrugged. "I have more than one I sometimes take up my hosts past name but I usually go by Ezekiel."

"Oh…okay. What are we going to do?" I finally asked.

"How do you mean?"

"Ian is alive, my Ian. I want him back. I want to talk to him and not through you."

He clenched his jaw. "What do you suggest we do?" It wasn't a question it was a challenge. It seemed as if he had no plans to leave Ian.

"I don't know, all I know is that I want him back. He's mine and you can't take him away. Please don't. He means everything to me. He's still there."

He shook his head. "I'm not leaving this host."

"He's not a host, he is Ian he's still alive, he hasn't disappeared."

"Ian or not he was given to me and I was also given a job."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I feel for you I truly do but I won't turn my back on who I am. I have my beliefs firmly planted."

I scoffed. "What are you? Huh because if you're someone like the seeker then that's not a person I'd like to be."

"Why would it be so bad to be a seeker? They control everyone and make this place a better place. I'd consider it an honor."

I rolled my eyes. "A better place is not what I would call it. Do you recall how Ian was captured?" This took him by surprise he made no retaliation. "Do you?" I repeated.

He looked away from my penetrating stare. "I don't." He finally replied.

"Your seeker shot him." I hissed.

"What do you mean by that?" he was confused as if in a daze.

"With a gun, he was shot. That's why I was so sure he was dead. Yeah I know what you're thinking." I confirmed. "They used an illegal weapon. They broke their own laws, their own morals. It wouldn't be so hard to 'betray' them, seeing as if they betray everything we stand for."

His eyes widened. "You're lying."

"Does Ian tell you I'm lying?" He shook his head. "It's because I'm not lying. I'm being truthful here."

He regained his composure. "I don't care what you say I have a job, one I intend to complete. Whatever you say won't affect my decision."

"I see it in your eyes. You doubt everything and you should. Why are you really here? What is your job? I know its something else. Erasing Ian can't possibly be the only thing, tell me." I demanded. "I deserve to know."

"To find you." He replied almost inaudibly.

"To find me? What do you mean by that?"

He sighed. "I'm supposed to find you and turn you in. You saw something you weren't supposed to see, now I know what. They let you go because they suspected your involvement with humans and they saved Ian to find you and if they found you they find the humans. I just haven't found the way and I won't roam the desert and die."

"You lied." I accused.

"No I didn't, I just didn't tell you everything. It's not the same –"

I cut him off. "It's exactly the same thing. You're not going to do it, I don't care what I have to do to stop you but will not out them. Not to them, not to the seekers. They're capable of more than you think. You will regret it."

He looked confused. He remained silent for a moment too long. He was unsure about what to do. "Go, leave." He hissed.

"No you can't force me to do a thing." He had this major mood swing. At first he did seemed harmless but now it was different. If I didn't know better I'd think he was going to threaten me. "Or what? What if I don't want to leave?" I challenged.

"I tell the seeker what I know." My heart stopped.

"You wouldn't, you don't even know."

"I know they exist and I know you're an accomplice. I know there are other souls involved. I know what you've done." He said the last sentence through his teeth. It bothered me. I'd never seen Ian this way. He was trapped in there and I couldn't do a thing.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I know what you've done, you yourself are a part of something big and bad, I may not know what it is but I know it exists. My word means more than a traitor." He was right completely right. But I wasn't going to let him get away with it. I don't care what I had to do I was going to free Ian. If it's the last thing I do.

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**Hope you liked it, PLZ review.**

**~Toodles.**


	4. Chapter IV

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_I know looks can be deceiving  
But I know I saw a light in you  
And as we walked we were talking  
I didn't say half the things I wanted to_

_Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel  
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so  
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you  
__**~Hey Stephen, Taylor Swift**_

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**Chapter IV**

**WPOV (Wanda)**

"Go, I will not tell you again." He hissed. I stood motionless. I looked away from him to try to get my thoughts straight.

Suddenly he grunted. I looked up and his hand was raised to his head, he was in pain. Maybe not pain but I knew from experience that Ian was doing something. He felt my eyes on him and he burned his eyes into me, there was so much hostility.

"Ian." I whispered.

"_Shut up_!" He clutched a fist full of hair in a fist. "Go!" he hissed. For some reason I thought for now I should leave him be.

I turned around and gave him a little space. Sunny came out of the store. I met her and helped with the water. "What is going on?"

"I'm not sure, I think he needs a moment."

"What are we going to do?"

That was a good question I had no plan but I knew what I wanted. Trina reappeared at his side. "Ezekiel, what's wrong?"

He muttered something I couldn't understand.

"Well…does it hurt?" He replied though I wasn't sure what his answer was.

She walked over to me. "Tell him to stop." She begged. "He can't function, ask him stop, please." She was on the verge of tears.

"Okay." I walked over to him. "Ian can you hear me?" it was another rhetorical question. "Ian, please don't hurt him, he _is_ rude but, can you stop? Please, Ian I'm asking you to do this."

"Do something?" Trina screeched beside me. "Anything I can't see him this way?" I tried to think. What clamed Mel when she raged. I thought for a few seconds until I found the obvious…Jared. Jared calmed Melanie. It wasn't only Jared, it was when Jared kissed her. She did say anything…..so….. "Wanda please."

I raise my hands and put them on either side of his face. "Ian this won't help." I looked into his eyes and they were no longer the color I remember but I knew he was in there somewhere. I saw that my words did nothing. So I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. He dropped his hands to wrap around me. I pulled away. It didn't feel the same because it wasn't fully him.

"Ah…..okay um….I didn't like that." Trina said with dislike.

"You said anything and there was nothing else?"

He took a deep breath. "Thank you."

"Sure."

He hesitated, he wanted to say something. "I'm sorry." It wasn't whole hearted but I took it anyway. "Really sorry, I shouldn't have said what I said."

"You don't have to apologize and Ian shouldn't be making you. I guarantee you that this isn't over. His body does not belong to you and I won't rest until I have him back I don't care what I have to do."

Trina was shocked at my words. "What is she talking about, Ezekiel?"

"You have no right to him, he an unwilling host, he isn't gone and he won't be." I continued.

She realized what this was about. "Are you not going to give the host up?"

"Why should I?"

"She loves him. You can't take that away from her." She seemed like the one with rationality.

"I'm not leaving. She lies about everything."

"How can it possibly be a lie when Ian is confirming my words? You know its true and you choose to deny it. It is true whether you like it or not." I looked into his eyes looking for him, for Ian.

"Can we talk about this later? I give you my word we will meet in a café tomorrow." Trina suggested. "Please I promise we won't run off."

"I can't be sure of that." I replied. I couldn't let them go now.

She reached around her neck and unhooked a silver necklace. She gestured for me to take it. "I will come back with him. This is the only priceless thing I have, had since I got here." I took it unwillingly.

"We'll be at the only hotel in town." I didn't know if it was such a good idea. They were running low on food I just didn't how many days they could wait. This was so important to me.

**EPOV (Ezekiel) **

_Stop talking already_, I hissed mentally of course.

_Technically I'm not talking, I am merely thinking. You my friend are the only one who can talk._ He retorted. Ugh I hadn't had a moment of peace since I was put into this host but I wasn't one to quit. _You should, _he added. His annoyance never stopped, he lived to aggravate me. Every waking moment he had something to say. I had moved here just because he was driving me to madness. The seeker asked why and I said the truth. He wanted to live here. He wasn't surprised to hear that he was still there, he suspected it.

I wasn't sure what to do even now when I knew she existed. The girl he loved existed for a while I thought she was no more though I had no way of verifying it. He would rather throw us both off a cliff than tell me where everyone was. I knew he had a brother and he had…_her, _there were other I got glimpses of when he was off guard but never was he stupid enough to show me more. It took a couple of weeks for him to finally show me Wanda. Like I had told her I thought she was two different people.

When I saw her for the first time I thought she was human, she was a bronze brunette but then I saw that she was a soul because now she was a light completed blonde. She was intense and…well I felt awkward after what had happened…her kissing me. My body felt 'at home,' physically I was sure I liked it. I wanted her to and I didn't want her to pull away but I knew Trina was there and when I thought about it I knew it was wrong. It was because of Trina but also because Ian was about go insane. It was sort of like when I first kissed Trina in this body he was against it at full force he didn't like it and it was the only moment he faded away but not for long. He couldn't physically stop me but he was great at the mind games. Back in the lot he was torturing me with his thoughts, I couldn't stop him and it was a horrible feeling. It was the only way he could defend her, he even made me apologize for what I did though she knew I didn't mean it.

Trina and I arrived to our small apartment. "We're going to talk about this, right?"

"I'm sure we are." I replied.

"Why do you refuse to give up your host? She is right, you have no right to the body."

I exhaled exasperated. She was on their side. _'When your girlfriend agrees there is definitely something wrong'_ Ian always had to have his input. "I was given a task."

"Is this really about the task or is it because you've finally come across someone you can't dominate?"

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**Review. Sorry, I know it's brief.**

**~Toodles**


	5. Chapter V

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_Where were you?  
When everything was falling apart.  
All my days spent by the telephone.  
And all I needed was a call  
It never came  
To the corner of First and Amistad  
_**_~You Found Me, The Fray_**

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**WPOV (Wanda) **

"Wanda what do we do?" Sunny asked softly back at the hotel.

"I don't know, but I can't leave him here, I owe him this. I'll have to figure it out. Ezekiel is not a bad person, he wasn't when I met him but something must have caused him to act that way."

"Wanda you're too trusting."

I sighed. She was right, I wanted to see the best in people. "You're probably right. You can head back if you want I'll stay." I offered.

"No I'll stay. They have food for one week."

I was glad she was staying because I think I would have a break down if I stayed alone. I would have to wait for them until tomorrow. I held the silver necklace in the palm of my hand. "She'll come back for it." I said almost to assure myself of it.

I wasn't losing Ian that was the last thing that was going to happen. I trusted Trina, I had to.

**EPOV (Ezekiel)**

"No that's not it –"

She cut me off. "You cannot do that to her. That's not right, Ezekiel. You have no right to keep him from her." I should've known that she would react like this, she was very sympathetic towards the humans and any creatures from the worlds we visited but most of all to the humans.

"What do you think he's going to do?" I questioned. "The seeker will not rest until he finds what he wants even if we move to another world if he wants to he's going to find us and he's going to make us pay for defying him. It has nothing to do with me being cold-hearted. I promise you that if it were us in that situation I would've already done it but you have to think of the situation."

"Do you know what he really wants?"

That was a good question, I didn't know exactly. "No. But Trina isn't it obvious."

"No it's not, think about it, if he wanted Ian to lead him to the humans don't you think he would've let him run and not shot him. Ian was dying, Wanda confirmed that. That scar on your left shoulder that you refuse to remove is also proof. Let me ask you this, why don't you want to get rid of it?" she asked. The idea of keeping the scar was not mine when I was given the host they told be once it completely healed they would remove it but I said no. He said no, it was the first time he spoke to me, he said no because he wanted _her _to know it was really him. It seemed like a good reason at the time and a scar didn't really matter.

"He wants to keep it for her, he wants her to know its him." I explained.

"You do care then, if you didn't then you wouldn't have kept it." She was so good at this, she made a good point. "Ezekiel, what if it was me?"

"I never said I didn't care, I'm doing it because that's what's best."

"The seeker wants something else from Ian. I know it. I don't think it's the humans. He saved Ian's life and Wanda was with him and she was let go. Again he could've kept her if it was the humans he wanted. He wants something else and you need to find out what it is because if you don't then nothing will ever get fixed."

"Fine if I ask will that make you happy?" I asked. There was no way around it she was not going to let it go.

"Yes." She smiled triumphantly.

"Fine I will look for him in the morning." I walked into the kitchen to search for something to eat.

"Hey, can I ask you a question?"

"Trina you don't ask me to ask a question."

"Do you think it's real?" I turned to her with a puzzled look. "DO you think that souls and humans can co-exist? I mean Wanda fell in love with Ian, that girl back at the store seemed to know both Ian and Wand and she's a soul."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I want to go."

"Go where?" For once I had no idea what she was talking about. _I don't like this_, Ian said. I knew the silence could only last so long.

"I want to go see the humans and I want to get to know them. They are people and sometimes I think that we've ruined their civilization. The souls have ruined them. Sure there was violence and crime, but there was also love and freedom. We've taken everything from them and we've erased their identity. All they have worked for is gone, they have to live in deserts in who knows where. I heard what she was telling you about Ian getting shot. Maybe they were better off without us maybe they're better than us. We walk around in this world and it's so….perfect. Everything is spotless and everyone is happy and it's not right. I think there is such a thing as too much perfection. It ruins it all. I can't live here anymore amongst them knwing what our 'leaders' are capable of. Honestly they are not much different from the humans, who ever decided to take over has a sick image, I mean that soul wanted power and perfection. A president would've wanted that as well. Do you get what I'm saying?"

"Yeah." I said with a sigh. What else could I say to that, she was right.

**The next morning…….**

_You've been quiet_, I noted

_Is that a problem?_

_No I was just enjoying the silence. Thought something was up._ I pretended to be uninterested but the silence was eerie.

"Trina, I'm going to go look for the seeker." I called as I headed out the door.

"Okay, don't take long because she'll be waiting." I agreed that it would only take an hour at the most. I asked him to meet us in the local seeker center. The center wasn't far at all I was there in a few minutes.

"Hello." I greeted him.

"Ezekiel, what has brought me all this way?"

I gesture him into a conference room. "We need to talk. I need to know what you really want." I said as soon as I shut the door.

He was shocked my directive speech. "What do mean by that?"

"I mean there is something you want from Ian and it's not the humans." His faced changed, it seemed worried. "I saw her, the girl and she told me what you did."

He sighed heavily and took a seat. He placed his hands over his face momentarily. "She told you." He stated. "I…I didn't want to." He whispered.

"What?" I asked. I wasn't following him. Could he actually be repenting what he did?

He looked out the window. "I told Jerry, my partner, that there a woman back in the convenience store had told me that she thought she might've seen a human with the girl, she described the car and as we were driving back to the center Jerry said the car in front of us fit the description. Honestly I never believed that lady, I wanted to go home but he stopped I told him that I wasn't going to get out of the car and that it was pointless, why would a soul and a human be traveling together. He simply said that if something went wrong that I knew what to do. We always had each other's back we'd been partners for a few years and then I saw that the man was in fact human. I had a real small reaction time as I saw that he injured him without a second thought I stepped out and pulled the trigger. When I saw him fall to the ground I…..the guilt was so intense. I had never hurt anyone the guns we had were never used by me. I thought is was wrong. I convinced Jerry to let the girl go though I knew that there was something more between them. I saw the look in her eyes it told me that she loved him.

"We took him back to the center and Jerry believed that he was alone and that the girl had made a mistake. He was going to let him die but I went behind his back and saved him anyway. I couldn't let him die I would have never gotten over it. After I got him stable I looked for you so that you could take him away so that he couldn't remind me of what I had done. But then I became intrigued and that's why I asked you to tell me about the girl about his life. I couldn't let it go." Everything he had just confessed to me was a pure as white snow.

_The bastard, he deserves to feel guilty_, Ian said angrily. _He had no right._

_It was his job he did what he had to, he could've let you die. _I pointed out. I knew the seeker was at fault at it was Ian's right to be angry.

"She wants him back." I said.

"That's not my choice to make. He's your host and I soon will no longer be part of this world."

"You're changing hosts?" Souls very rarely left a host before its time was up.

"I want to but I am not sure if I can ask for that, I am a seeker and I should stay but I can't. Don't worry about Jerry he will never know he believes you are dead I told him the human didn't survive and he has moved up north."

"So if I choose to give the body back you won't follow him?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Why would I? I have no business doing so. I just wish there was another way I could get rid of the host and leaving without asking a healer."

_Doc could do it_, Ian said though I don't think he was speaking to me.

_What are you talking about?_ I asked.

_I want to go home, _He stated. _I know someone who can extract the soul but I have to be sure he won't follow us._

_Why do want to help him? _

He huffed. _I don't know, believe it or not I'm not a bad person, I'm not cold hearted. Besides I think we'd be safer if he wasn't here. Just tell him I'll figure it out once I get home. _

"He says it is possible but you have to wait a bit."

"I think all I have left is time. I have to get going but if you figure it out do tell. It would save me the humiliation." He rose from his seat and exited the room.

I walked out behind him. As I walked out of the room almost ran into a girl. I locked eyes with her. It felt like déjà vu. I've never seen this girl in Ian's memory.

_Go, go now. Leave! _He hissed. _Do it just go! Don't let her recognize us._

He was frantic. I excused my self and walked around her toward the front doors.

"Ian!" she called. Her steps behind me became closer and closer. "You don't get to run away, not today."

_What is she talking about?_, I asked completely oblivious to what was going on.

"Ian I know you and you're there, I know you are so don't pretend you can't hear me." This girl was obviously mad but I stood there dumbfounded.

_Ian what the hell is going on? Who is she? _ I pressed

_Kristina_, was all he said.

"I'm sorry." It was all I could really say though I had no idea why I was apologizing but it seem like the right thing to do at the moment.

"Ian, you gave me up, you are the most horrid person ever……but regardless I never forgot you. I still love you." She whispered. It felt awkward being in the middle of this. _Great_, he muttered unhappily, _just perfect. This is exactly what I need._

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**Cliffy, I know, sorry but plz review.**

**~Toodles.**


	6. Chapter VI

**You all have **_**Winky23 **_**to thank for this update, read AN at the end of the chapter.  
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_So many questions, things left unsaid  
So much confusion going around in my head  
And so many reasons that just don't make sense  
Oh no_

_I try to carry on  
But something's missing inside  
__** ~Someday, Elliott Yamin**_

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**Chapter VI**

**EPOV (Ezekiel)**

_Ian, this isn't working for me, tell me why she's talking that way, what did you do? Who is she?_ I demanded

I felt him slip away but I refused to let this down. After much persistence he caved. _She is Kristina, a friend whom I left behind when we were fleeing. We were sort of together but not really, I guess it was a fling. I liked spending time with her and all but I didn't ever love her, I never was in a relationship with her, she was just a really close friend although I think she became really attached and she fell in love. I met her here before we left and when we were running to the caves I lost her. Kyle lost Jodi as well. He never forgave himself and in a way I felt guilty for leaving Kristina behind but if we'd gone back the whole group would've been caught,_ He explained.

"Ian I can't believe you did that, obviously I knew you didn't love me as much as I did you but….." A tear ran down her cheek. "You left me there you gave me up." The way she talked intrigued me, it was like the host talking not the soul.

"Wait this is _me_ talking here not Ian but why are you talking like the….." I wasn't sure how to put it.

She knew what I was talking about. "We've been together a while and we've learned to live with each other we know our every thought and we think alike and when she talks I let her, it's a mutual kind of thing. I let her take control when it is needed and when she wants to. I don't resist, after all it is her body."

Maybe her way of doing things was better than mine. I erased them and she lived with them. It makes much more sense. It was…compromise.

I pulled her over to the side so that we didn't attract unwanted attention. "Who are you?" She didn't seem to understand my question. "Your name, I mean."

"Kristina, I told you I live with my host. I don't necessarily have a name of my own."

_Tell her I'm sorry, it's all I have to offer_

"He's sorry. He says his apologies are all he can offer."

"Let me talk to Ian, let him talk to me."

"He can hear you."

She shook her head. "You know what I mean, let _him_ talk to me."

For a moment I considered the idea of giving Ian control but there was no way I could do that. I have always been in control, losing it, is not an option. What if he takes over, that would make me a failure and I would be subjected to his will.

_I can hear you_, Ian mutters.

_I know,_ I replied.

"Ian," She whispered ever so softly. "Please, you owe me this, you know you do."

_Let me talk to her_, he finally said.

_No._

_Relax, big guy, I won't go AWOL._

_Five minutes,_ I warned, _and only five._

_It's my body. You don't get to call the shots. _

Without a reply I let go, I loosened the grasp I had. I wasn't sure if I could do it but I tried. I let him take control while I took his place.

"Kristina." Ian stated. "I'm sorry."

"That's all I deserve, an apology."

"I can't offer anymore, if it makes you feel any better, I got what I deserved didn't I? I got stuck with some jerk that is out to _delete_ me." He said unhappily.

Back where I was, the view was limited but sharper. I took in the girl standing before me. She looked pretty, her hair was pin straight, and jet black. Her almond eyes fluttered in…anger, frustration, perhaps.

"Why didn't you come back for me?"

A strange feeling swarmed Ian and I. I'm sure he knew what it was but I didn't. It felt so bad. It was like a deep hole, forming inside of me. It was such a horrible feeling. "I couldn't, and it's not because I didn't love you, it's because I truly couldn't. Had I gone back for you, dozens of people would've have been caught and I would've been to blame."

"You sacrificed me against my will, I wanted to be saved. I wanted to live, this right here, wasn't easy. You don't know how long I waited for you to come for me, finally I gave up. I miss everyone, I didn't know them very well, but they were all I had, Ian. You took everything from me, you took my soul away and it was replaced by another. You know how bad that feels, just think…think back on how suppressed you were."

Ian had yet to reply to her accusations and quite honestly I couldn't give him a helping hand, she was right, he left one of his own behind.

_Shut up,_ he hissed, _don't you dare be judgmental, you cold hearted piece of….just shut up._

"I feel bad about it. I want you to know that. The thing is that in a situation like mine, I can't allow myself to feel all these emotions. I would wither away into nothing. Don't you think that losing everything and everyone that meant something? That it didn't hurt. Do you think that I didn't want to stay back and fight? I knew that at the point where I was, I couldn't take things to heart. At that point all that mattered was to survive and save those who could be saved. I'm sorry that you and Jodi, and all of those people had to have been sacrificed against your will."

She took her eyes away from us and stared down at the ground. "So what now?"

"What do you mean?" Ian asked.

"I know you well enough to know that you won't conform to this, you must have a plan Ian O'Shea."

"I want to go back to the caves. Someone's come to get me." He replied in a whisper.

"Who?"

"Wanda."

"A woman?"

"A soul, she's my soul."

"I'm not sure that's supposed to make sense."

He sighed. "It's a long story and this is not the place for it."

"Take me back, to the caves."

_We are not going anywhere. I haven't made that decision. This may be your body but I have control. _

_She wants to go, Trina wants to go. Just trust me, we'll go back and we'll figure it out there, _Ian insisted.

_No, this is not happening. Do you not see any flaws in this? I do have access to your memory, to your dismay, and I remember that your people don't like us. Wanda may be a soul but she loves you. What do you think she's going to say when she finds out about Kristina? What's going to happen when we get there, I remember that when I first heard you there was this image in my head? It was of a capsule, it was empty and there was a man, in what looked like a dark room of some kind. I never understood that and at the time you refused to acknowledge me. Now I know that what I saw has to do with the removal of a host, I know it does. I can connect the dots. You've never let me see the outcome, what happens to us? To me, to Trina, you're still here and they want you, just not with me. Did you think this through? I think not. _

He was silent. I assumed he was taking it all in. I did feel bad for lashing out that way but it was the truth and nothing more.

"Ian?" Kristina finally said. She'd been standing there with curious eyes for a long time.

"We're having a…moment, not a good one." Ian muttered. He did not reply to me. He began thinking of possible scenarios.

I decided that I hated being in the back so took back control, he didn't speak to me so I was left with Kristina and nothing to say.

"Look he's upset and not exactly talking, for the record he's pretty peeved…with me."

"So what now?"

"I'm not sure, but all I know is I live here and I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, for any reason whatsoever. Keep that in mind." I turned my back and exited the center.

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"You are out of your mind!"

Trina picked up her hair and walked out the door without closing it. "I'm going!"

"Trina! Did you hear what I said? There is another woman. I'm not plunging us into this crazy expedition to the middle of no where."

She whirled around, I could se the anger radiate off of her, and I had never seen her this way. "Is that what you're concentrated on? Are you not the least bit concerned that what we're living is a lie? Do you not get it? They shot him not only because that seeker wanted to but because he was able to? They have lied to us for so long, are you just going to accept that and move on?"

"You can't know that what happened was true."

She walked past me and I followed her. She stopped in front of a full length mirror. "Come here." I walked to over to her, confused. "Take off your shirt."

"What?" Without a warning she began to pull my shirt over my head.

"Turn around." Confused, I did what she asked.

Her cool fingers roamed my shoulder. "Look at this scar." I looked over my shoulder and into the mirror. "IS that not proof of the lie they've told us? They told you it was a scar from when he was captured, Ian wanted to keep it but even his recollection of what happened was vague. Remember what the healer said. She was a new to this world and she'd said 'Huh, I've never seen a scar like this, wonder how it got there. Do you want to get rid of it?' You remember don't you?"

I pulled away and put my shirt back on. "This is ridiculous."

"Tell me you don't care. Tell me you don't feel betrayed. They told us that we came to this world to make it a better place, free of the vulgarities and impurities within it, to make it perfect but they've been keeping things from us and that's not fair. I can't live in a world like this, in their world they knew about the shady things but now they keep it all hidden, they treat us like puppets and I for one am not a board with that. Do you see that this goes much deeper than this situation with Ian, Wanda, Kristina and the humans? This challenges the very essence of our society, that's what this is about. We can't allow this to go on, it's not right, we have to stand up for the truth whether we're human or souls."

It was a lot to take in. I had never thought of this situation like that. I didn't know she felt that way.

_She's right, you know_, Ian said. This was the first I've heard of him for a while. _It's not right, they're lying to you and you have defend yourselves, let them know that you have right of will, that you can do things because you want to, not because you're forced, or eliminated if you don't. Even if you can't do anything about it, leaving shows that you're not okay with this and you're unwilling to live this hoax._

What about Kristina?"

He hesitated but he did answer. _I did what I had to do that night, I won't take the blame. Now I have the chance to make things right and I'm taking it._

"Pack up, Trina. Let's go."

She smiled. "Okay, let's go."

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**There is no Excuse for the amount of time I've waited to update, I so dearly apologize but with the help of one of my fellow readers who directly asked me to update, I've figured out the second plot of this story. I will continue to write, I can't say that I will update every single day because I have a life, and school and church and…well a life BUT the wait won't be months at a time. I'll update maybe once or twice a week. Let me know if you're hanging in there because if you're not then, honestly, I'll be way less inspired. **

**~Toodles.**


	7. Chapter VII

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_No matter what happens, I see you on the other side  
There's too many distractions, waiting for the perfect time  
I know you're alright, by the friends you keep  
It'll all be fine, depend on me  
__**~Lover Be Strong, Gavin DeGraw**_

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**Chapter VII**

**WPOV (Wanda)**

"They'll come right?" I asked for the twelfth time. She called an hour ago and said that she was on her way with Ezekiel. I was worried that Ezekiel would not come and he would stay and I would be forced to return without him.

"They'll come."

I toyed with the necklace in my hand. "Will he? Will he come with us when we leave?"

"Hello." A sweet voice said. "I'm sorry we're late."

"I'm glad you're here." My eyes were only for him, for Ian, for his body. I looked into his eyes and I knew it wasn't him but I also knew that he was in there.

I was concentrating on him so much I didn't notice the girl behind him. She was a brunette, very beautiful around the same age as Ian. "Hello, Wanda, I'm Kristina."

"She's an old friend, of Ian's. She wants to be extracted." Ian said in a low voice. "He said someone could do that."

"I assure you that it's all I want, I want to make things right, I want to give Kristina her body back, allow me to do that."

"Does that mean you're coming?"

Ezekiel nodded and looked over to Trina. "I will because she wants me to, I guarantee you nothing, nothing more than my presence. She and Kristina will come with me, no questions asked. Don't bother asking me about Kristina, I don't know much."

"That's fair." I decided. I knew it was a bad idea, I knew that no one would like me bringing the three of them but I couldn't leave Ian, I wouldn't do it.

"If there were another way to free her, I would but I can't be extracted." Kristina shrugged. "My seeker won't allow it, he says I have to tough it out. I was very upset so I told I had to take some time off. Besides this world is very different from any other world, there are special regulations because hosts tend to be much more attached to their host, so much so that sometimes, when the host dies so does the soul. You know that."

"How come we're not informed of this?" Trina asked, appalled.

Kristina shrugged. "No one would ever come here and whoever came up with this whole…I don't quite know what to call this, but the point is that no one would take the risks, also…there is something missing, a part of the story is missing and I don't understand what it is. What they teach us, in the schools about our history seems fabricated, it seems too good to be true, too impeccable but we can't question it. For the longest time I wondered how they could possibly capture all these human in a peaceful manner and I figured out that it's not possible. Something happened and they won't tell us what. I know the only legal weapon in the Glock but it's rarely fired and hardly able to stop masses of people, peacefully."

"They, meaning, the souls who live in Washington, the souls who discovered this world and presented the idea of coming in?" I said. "They control the entire world from that city, apparently when we came in this country, it was doing quite well. I don't entirely understand that but those souls are behind all of this, they are the corrupt ones, the liars. It only makes sense, I've traveled for so long and to so many places and never have I uncovered such a thing."

"So what do we do?" Sunny asked.

"We get out of here." Kristina replied. "I want out, I will not be subjected to this madness. I won't live by their rules."

"What about everyone else?" Trina asked.

Ian stepped closer to her though at the point I was sure it was Ezekiel and not Ian. "Trina, there's nothing we can do?"

"Yes there is, Ezekiel. You cannot just give up, they were just fine without us, these people could handle it, sometimes they made mistakes but this is their world and we had no right to come here and strip of their rights and their conscience. This just isn't right."

"What do you suggest we do?" He demanded quietly. "What we're doing at this moment is crazy, we are going willingly into this desert, we're blind, and we don't even know those people still exist."

"Are you not at all appalled at what is going on?" She retorted with the same anger. "I like it here, I like the people but it feels so wrong knowing what was done for this to happen. It seems like every one is in on it except us, the seekers, the healers, they know and we don't. Those other worlds we live in were uninhabited they welcomed us but we're not welcome here, there are people who strive to be free and we are the villains here. We've run them off into the desert, tell me that I'm wrong. Tell me that you don't feel the slightest pity, the guilt, tell me that I'm overreacting. It's bad enough we went around erasing people, that's just…I can't handle this guilt. We need to fix this."

"We didn't know what was happening," Ezekiel interjected. "You have to understand that this is not our fault nor is it our job to fix it. We made a mistake and it was awful but we never had a malicious intent. It's not our job to fix this, we didn't do anything wrong, they lied to us and we know that now and we can stop doing what we've been doing. We know what is going on now."

"Are you okay with just walking away, we can do something?"

"Who is we? How many people do you think we can convince without tipping the seekers off, this can be very dangerous and I'd rather not be involved?"

"I'm not okay with walking away, we can't just walk away from this and I will not do that.." She whirled around and walked away, leaving everyone a bit taken aback.

I felt betrayed as well, it's an automatic feeling you get when you find out you're being used and manipulated, and lied to. I had no idea she'd react that way, I too wanted to do something but I didn't know what to do. I had a working knowledge about how things work in other worlds but I didn't get to learn how the regulations work here and apparently they are quite different. I wouldn't know what to do without risking everything. One slip up and it's over.

"Trina!" Ezekiel called after her. "Come back." He attempted not sound upset, souls don't usually fight or get angry, and it's the way we've always lived. It's hard to trust anything we stand for anymore. It's mind-boggling and just crazy.

I took a deep breath. "Her heart is in the right place, figuratively." I finally said.

"Ian's host is, not like Ian at all." Kristina noted as we all watched him catch up to Trina.

I forced a smiled. "I should know."

"You're in love with him?"

I turned to her. "Why do you ask?"

"It just seems odd, I didn't know souls could fall in love that way."

"You've never been in love?" I asked, I wasn't sure what I expected her answer to be.

Her smile widened. "Not really, no, maybe Kristina has. So will you answer my question?"

I nodded. "I love Ian. I would do anything for him."

"Was he left behind? How did he get caught?" Her questions was so direct and almost accusing.

"I did not know he was alive, I love him and I…grieved for him had I known he was alive I would've done anything to get him back. Right now the most important thing is that he is."

"Yeah, I guess it is." She muttered and turned back to watch Ezekiel and Trina.

Sunny stepped over beside me. "We're cutting it too close. We have to go today at sundown."

"I know, I just don't know what they're going to think when we show up with three extra people."

"We'll figure it out we just have to go today."

I nodded and went to interrupt Trina and Ezekiel. "We have to go…with or without you." It pained me to say it and I knew I wouldn't make good on that threat.

"Let's go right now," Ezekiel offered. "One more thing…Ian wants you to know that Kristina was a very good friend, a great _friend_."

"I see that."

"He wants is she's said anything."

"Not really and I appreciate your trust in me."

"He trusts you, she trusts you…I'm doing it for her." I nodded and led the way to the car.

**EPOV (Ezekiel)**

I was now not so willing to go on this wild trip but I wouldn't let Trina go alone. We drove into the dark night, I had idea where we were going. Beside me Trina was still a bit upset with me. After a couple hours Sunny pulled over. "We can't let you know the way, I'm sorry." Wanda turned around and handed me a bandanna. I took it, as did Trina and Kristina. I put it on with a sigh and leaned back into my seat.

_You there?_ I asked.

_Yeah, to your dismay I am._ Somehow Ian sounded different, his response was so faint.

_This is crazy. _ I let my eyes roam the orange desert.

_This is what we've resorted to._

_I guess._

_You know we prefer this than to be invaded by a stranger._

_That's crazy._

_It may seem but it's life, it's our life, our mind, our soul._

_You won't send me on a guilt trip, I'm not going to give in. Stop trying, _I hissed. For the remainder of the trip I suppressed him best I could. This was the bad thing when it came to humans, they were so emotional.

When the car stopped Wanda, I believe, led me out. I heard Trina's misguided footsteps behind me along with Kristina.

We walked for a while and the air grew progressively cooler, a lot cooler than the scorching heat. I was guided down many steps but towards the end I managed to stumble foreword, with a soft tug I regained my balance. I backed into a wall instinctively, I felt her approach me. I began to feel her breath and her hands lifted up to touch my face.

I waited for Ian to react but he didn't, he didn't even make himself known which was unlike him.

She lingered and in the end kissed my cheek. It was nice feeling, I myself felt nothing for her. I cared about her but I didn't love her, not the way Ian did. He felt the same way about Trina, it was impossible to suppress a feeling like love. "I missed you so much." She whispered into my ear.

I cleared his throat, I waited for him to reply but again, there was nothing. "Likewise." I finally replied, he would've said something like that.

"He said that?"

I shrugged. "Pretty much."

"Trust me Ian, I will figure it out, hand in there. Leave it all to me"

I felt awkward, I was listening to a very private conversation a conversation I wasn't sure was happening, Ian had yet to say a word which led to believe he's a little sensitive, I snapped, it wasn't a big deal.

She led me deeper in and the next thing I heard was Ian's name. It was a guy, not a man but not a boy.

"Jamie, shush."

"Is that him?"

"Yes, tell the others to unload and Sunny needs help. She has two women with her."

"He'll give you hell, everyone will. You said he was dead, Wanda."

"I believed that but he wasn't, he's not and I couldn't leave without him, I just couldn't. I brought along his…wife." The last word was unnaturally strained. "The other girl was a part of the group that came with Ian and Kyle and Jodi. Her host wants to be extracted, immediately."

"Kyle will not like this, he may understand you and accept you but this is Ian, this was the only thing he had left. He won't like seeing his brother this way."

"I'll take care of it." She assured him. "Please help –"

"You see him, right?" A soft voice asked, amazed. "Jared you see him."

"I do." Jared, I assumed, replied. "What is going on?"

"He was living in that town, I found him, it's a very long story that I will share but you have to understand, I couldn't leave him and he's married to someone else, he wouldn't come alone."

"You brought his wife along?" He demanded. "I thought he was dead how can he be married to some other woman?"

"After everything is unloaded I will explain, to everyone."

"I'll gather everyone." The other woman offered and her voice faded along with the two males' footsteps.

It felt like we'd been walking forever but we finally stopped and she took of the cover off my eyes. "Where is Trina?" I asked very quietly before I saw the room full of people. Some seemed familiar others not so much.

"I'm here." I turned and I saw her come in with Kristina and Sunny and a guy, probably Jamie. I extended my hand to her and she took it readily. Everyone's eyes were on us and not too many people seemed pleased.

"Begin, Wanda, because many have begun to assume." An older man with a weapon propped upward, I'd never seen anything like it and I didn't desire to see its function..

Wanda took a step before us and addressed the crowd. "This looks bad but I was not lying. What I said was true, I never lied."

"How do we know that?" A woman demanded, angry eyes stared be down in the dim lighting. There was so much hostility.

"Show them the scar, Ezekiel." Trina muttered but I refused. "Please, for me, do it."

I unwillingly took off my shirt. "The scar, I still have the scar, Kyle can attest that this was not here before." My voice wasn't either strong or confident. It was hard not to be intimidated. Once I knew they saw it I stepped back and slid my shirt back on.

"What the seeker did was wrong, they used a kind of rifle to shoot him, that's not allowed, yet it happened. Many lies have surfaced, it's so wrong, their lies are wrong. They nearly killed him and this is not our purpose, we don't come to kill. Ian defended himself but he never posed a threat to that seeker but he very nearly lost his life. Fortunately that seeker decided to save his life and Ezekiel was put into him. Trina travels with Ezekiel, they are…partners, and they are together. I had to bring him back and he wouldn't come without her. I take full responsibility for them but if they are not accepted here neither am I. This is his body and I'm willing so anything to help regain control."

I looked around the room and I finally laid eyes on a familiar subject, it was Kyle. I waited, again, for Ian to react but he didn't. I guess I shouldn't have snapped that way. Beside him Sunny held his hand. It was…admirable, the connection was simply admirable.

Kyle examined me for a while longer before he made a comment. "We're humans not imbeciles, I know my brother and I don't see him." He hissed vilely.

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**Don't think I've quit, I've just had a lot of work and this chapter has been changed, majorly, about four times. Please let me know you forgive me for the wait, I want to know what you think.**

~Toodles.


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